Never ask a pregnant woman BLANK...

Ok,

In lieu of a traditional post I've decided to publish something I'd like to call, "Never ask a pregnant woman BLANK"

I've decided that this will provide you all with insight into the daily arsenal of questions I face working in customer service with what looks like a beach-ball smuggled under my shirt, and though I know none of you would ask these questions, some seem rather benign so it's possible you could without realizing what a pregnant-mind would think if you did.

Numero uno: "Are you pregnant?"

Why Not?: Ok...if you have to ask; DON'T. After being asked this questions SEVERAL times before I was pregnant, I came to the resolution that unless a woman is wearing a Brittany-Spears-esque shirt that says "I've got the Golden Ticket" with a giant arrow pointing to womb, or the umbilical cord is hanging out...I'm just not going to go there. At this point in my pregnancy, it also just seems like a no-brainer. I'm getting to the cranky trimester, and this question is just annoying. I feel like saying "Nope" and walking away.

Number Two: "Were you trying to have a baby?"

Why Not?: I was asked this awkward little question by a much older man, and wasn't quite sure how to answer. There are really two possible answers; option one: "Yep, we were getting busy on a nightly basis hoping one of those little guys would make it past the goalie" (totally inappropriate) option two: "Nope.....bummer, right?" (also, totally inappropriate). Granted, if one of you girls were to ask me this, I wouldn't have the slightest problem explaining our intentions (or lack thereof) But really? Grandpa wants the low-down on my sex-life? No comment pops.

Number Three: "Is your husband happy about it?"

Why Not?: Ok, I'm blessed enough that Gabe is thrilled to be a daddy, is reading all the books, talks to Rokstad nightly, and can't wait to meet our son in September...but what if he wasn't? I've been asked this question so many times and I would love to come back with "Oh no...he is pi-issed! I've been pulling the whole M&M's for BC trick for months and he never caught on!" Then what? Talk about uncomfortable silence.

Number Four: (Ok...this isn't a question, but a statement) "Wow! You sure look pregnant!"

Why Not?: When I hear this (which is at least 400 times a day), I feel like saying "Really? I feel so svelte"

Trust me, I am FULLY aware of my weight...to the pound...because those sadist doctors make you step on the scale almost as often as they make you pee in a cup. I am also FULLY aware of the fact that I can't see my feet anymore in the shower, that I waddle when I walk, and that despite my best efforts, that middle button my shirt is clinging on for dear life. And while I am fully aware of all these things, I get through the day by telling myself that nobody else will notice; that I have found a way to effortlessly blend in with my surroundings with true grace and style like no other pregnant lady has done before. This comment hurls me back into reality.

Ok....this post is coming off as HIGHLY hormonal. I swear that I am actually a very pleasant pregnant lady, and for the most part have a good sense of humor about the high-jacking of my body. I've learned to laugh as I wake up for the fourth time to go pee in the middle of the night, and I've embraced the ever-so-sexy bra extenders that I bought from Walmart which allow me to squeeze the last bit of life out of my bras before I cross over into the dark-side of the nursing bra...(Imagine that in the font of 'The Creature From the Black Lagoon'...way more appropriate than italics)

I wish that I could share in this journey with all of you on a daily basis, but I hope this post shed a little bit of light on this new part of my life.

I love you all and can't wait for our reunion.