The view from the wagon

I never thought I'd ever feel the need to pledge sobriety, but I haven't had a drink of alcohol for 14 days now. Which is probably twice as long as I've ever gone without drinking alcohol since my freshman year of collage. I mostly just wanted to prove to myself that I could do it, which was not so much an exercise of not consuming alcohol as much as it has been proving to myself that I can go out, hang out, and meet new people even when I'm sober. I also had an amazing moment realizing my self-control when I cordially turned down offers for drinks from friends when I went out for Last Thursday, an event I would normal expect myself to get at least slightly-sloshed attending.

Frankly, going through this break-up with J, I cannot go to bed alone at night even the slightest bit intoxicated without wallowing in self-pity and pathetic loneliness. Going to bed sober and lonely is a much more reflective and wholesome experience. Its been an exercise in my self will and reassurance in the fact that I am above my habit. But don't worry, I am not vowing an eternity of sobriety, and will be back off the wagon soon :0) I'm leaving for New York on Friday (wooo-whooo!!) and I plan on allowing myself drinks while I'm there.

J and I are on good terms. We haven't talked in just under two weeks, but have sent each other some emails. Two weeks prior we had quite the blow-up after our shenanigans of not being together, but continuing to mess around failed. Surprising, right. We had smoothed things over on the realization that we really shouldn't be talking to each other and hanging out etc. while emotions are still so raw. The few (3) emails have been mostly just little updates on how we are doing, but he did decide to mention in his last email that he misses me and does truly hope for us to be "part of each others lives" in the future. I feel the same way, but hearing this from him makes it harder to get over it. And he knows that. I'm just trying to actually move on. And its still really hard right now. I still catch myself running scenarios through my head of how we could still make it work. Ugh. Em, when you wished for me that I'd find another guy soon to get me through this, I thought that was silly, but I really think finding another guy to fixate on is the only thing that's going to get me out of this cycle!

In other news:
My little sister, Haley, got busted drinking in the dorms her 1st weekend of school (at Western Washington). I think she got off with just a warning from an RA, but not so hot of a start. She's got her head screwed on right though, I'm sure she'll get sneaker fast.

My little brother, James, is abroad studying in the Czech Republic. He is keeping a pathetic girlfriend at bay back home and his freakin Facebook pictures made me want to smack him for her. And I don't even like his girlfriend! Basically, he looks like a freakin' tool. In the majority of his pictures he's got his arm around some chic's shoulder or some girl hanging off of his. I may be regretting this soon, but I couldn't help but send him a bit heated message about what a dick he looks like. And told him if he ever expects his family to have any respect for his and Tiffany's relationship that he better start showing some respect for it himself. Yikes, I know.

Richy is sick. Like, hopefully its just a cold, could be a flu, could be H1N1!! (j/k...sort-of). And expect me to be pissed when I'm sick just in time for me to leave to go to New York! Dammit!

Other things in life are good. Enjoyed a fantastic day today watching boats made out of cardboard and duct-tape race on the Willamette. An event titled "Float-or-die." Its 1st annual in PDX, sure to be the first of more epic years to come. Pure entertainment! Will post pic on FB soon.

love you girls! xoxo kim